kindle î Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder 336 pages Download Û Joanne Fluke

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kindle î Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder 336 pages Download Û Joanne Fluke æ ❰PDF❯ ✎ Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder Author Joanne Fluke – Johns-cycling-diary.co.uk The first mouth watering novel in the Hannah Swensen crime series Packed full of delicious recipes and perfect fThe first mouth watering novel in the Hannah Swensen crime series Packed full of delicious recipes and perfect for fans of M C Beaton and Leslie Meier Hannah Swenson already has her hands full running Minnesota's most popular bakery But whe Ok so I'm officially in love with cozy mysteries and there's nothing anyone can do about it PI heart this genre so much; it walks the tightrope between good old fashioned small town hardboiled noir and straight up cutie patootie nessIt's a great break from all the really sad serious stuff going on around the world and in books and is a gentle reminder of better days gone by Think summertime a warm breeze passes you by as you're sitting under a beautiful old oak tree reading a comforting book You're in the yard of a light yellow cottage style home with white trim and pink flowers neatly planted around the outside This little slice of perfection is tucked away from the madness of the world; nothing can ruin the simplicity and joy of your experienceAnd that's cozy mysteryAnyhoo Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder is the first in a long running series written by Joanne Fluke It's about a woman named Hannah Swensen who owns a cookie shop called The Cookie Jar and she lives in a tiny town called Lake Eden with her trusty cat MoisheAll bets are off when a man she grew up with is found murdered directly behind her shop Who did it? Why? Will they strike again? She sets off to help her brother in law crack the case He's up for a promotion from deputy to detective if he's successfulOverall it was a cute read thoroughly enjoyable and provided a much needed respite from the stresses of life

Joanne Fluke ☆ Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder kindle

N Ron LaSalle the delivery man from the nearby Cozy Cow Dairy is found murdered behind the bakery with Hannah's famous Chocolate Chip Crunchies scattered around him life couldn't get complicated Who would have the audacity and motive to kil The TL;DR version This was one of the dumbest things I've ever read This was a stupid purchase – and a stupid thing to read for that matter but I did want something brainless in the middle of my Big Giant Fantasy Series I got it It is the first in the Hannah Swenson mystery series which I didn’t know when I started it I eventually caught on as the main character reacted to discovering her very first corpse She said something to the effect of not making a habit out of discovering bodies and both my eyebrows went up because as with all cozies that’s the backbone of the whole series And now that I think of it that the fact that it took me so long to realize it was the first book is relevant to this review There should be initial exposition in this as a first book better introductions to the characters and the setting etc I know I know – if there had been floating chunks of infodump I would have complained about that Life is tough So is writing Deal Late in the story there is a mention of how Hannah’s sister asked her to leave school and come home to help their mother cope after their father died but that’s a kind of massive reuest to make and a massive decision and no real motivation or reaction given Their mother is depicted as pretty much okay apart from joining every club in town; in fact Hannah avoids her as much as humanly possible so what is Hannah's role here apart from cookie baker? Did she resent being yanked away from her chosen course? How did the bakery come about? It is mentioned that it was the sister’s idea; why?Don't knowOne thing that does pretty clearly indicate a first book is the level of writing I’m tempted to insert the Opus “It wasn’t good” icon I stole from the Popcorn Dialogues The stupidity level is high among the characters and in the plot and the other draw in a book like this the cookie recipes scattered throughout aren’t remotely original enough to make the book worth reading or buying as a cookbook Woohoo ginger snaps and chocolate crinkles I’ve been making extremely similar recipes since I was ten And I don’t understand the logic of renaming what are basically chocolate crinkles from the Betty Crocker Cooky Book sic “Black and whites” when Black and whites are usually another kind of cookie entirely Chocolate crinkle Black and white Unless you're in this book God help youJoanne Fluke falls prey to one of the things that irks me the most in bad writing thesaurusitis Instead of adhering to KISS certain writers feel the need to keep a thesaurus open at their elbow to “prettify” their prose Here for nauseous example are a couple of bits from the scene where Hannah gives her cat some ice cream rather than use the words “ice cream” again it is called “the mound of icy white” and “this intriguing new foodstuff” New to the cat that was No “frozen confection”? I’m disappointed Should it bug me as much as it does when a writer feels impelled to make a lame stab at poetry when feeding a cat ice cream? Maybe not But it really does You’re not Lord Byron love nor is Lord Byron called for in this instance Don’tThe book’s plot runs thusly Hannah Swenson owns and runs a cookie bakery in a small touristy town and one morning in winter her milkman doesn’t show up to deliver as he always does – and she finds him shot dead in the alley behind her shop Her brother in law is a cop up for promotion and the prevailing logic is that if he – with her help – can solve the murder he’ll be all set And he lets herRight there I already have a couple of issues namely that this is a small town and how on earth does the author expect me to believe that this woman survives solely on what she makes selling cookies and coffee? There is no cake in this shop no bread no sandwiches – just cookies yet I’m supposed to swallow that the locals all flock in every day to buy dozens and dozens and dozens of cookies and have her cater several events per month Well as she ponders several times some of her customers eat cookies for breakfast I hope there’s a good gym andor cardiologist or endocrinologist in town too But maybe the town’s too small For one thing in every other chapter Hannah is handing out a dozen free cookies here and a batch there; I don’t care if some of these people are family and the local traffic cop that would put a dent in one’s profits For another thing I don’t care if half that catering is prompted by her mother’s membership in all those clubs and her brother in law’s position why on earth would anyone want even a small event catered by someone who is going to provide only cookies coffee and tea? “She had tea and coffee both 'leaded' and 'unleaded' and her best silver platters heaped high with cookies” And only a single type of cookie at that based on what she talks about here a book club meeting is provided with “Regency” ginger snaps and caffeinated beverages Don’t get me started on the character’s laissez faire attitude toward historical accuracy and how easy it was to pull one over on these stupid ladies “She’d researched the period but there were very few published recipes and none of them had sounded like cookies” So eh go with gingersnaps Close enough And yet she has enough money that she doesn’t have to worry about spending a moronic amount investigating the murder while meanwhile lavishing expensive gifts on her assistantI know I know “Willing suspension of disbelief” is the main reuirement for reading fiction and I as a hardcore fantasy reader should be a very willing suspender But it’s a two way street I am a very willing suspender as long as the disbelief isn’t too heavy to be suspended without snapping the thread In other words if a writer creates a something utterly unreal but maintains a level of logic in her worldbuilding I’ll buy into it wholeheartedly When Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is believable than Hannah’s Cookie Jar Ms Fluke has a little problemYou’ll notice I’m not even bothering to mention the little fact that this civilian is running about playing Nancy Drew and her cop brother in law is not only aware of it not only allowing it but he’s happy about it and grateful to her? Yeah See that’s the lifeblood of the cozy mystery the utterly ridiculous detection so there’s just no point in dwelling on itI know I know I’m working too hard at applying logic and sense to a fluffy cozy mystery But I just don’t understand why anyone would set out to write a book – or a series of books – which purposely ignores common sense I find it a bit offensiveSo Even dumber than the blatant disregard for laws regarding patient confidentiality “Call every dentist in town Did they see Ron yesterday morning?” HIPAA was enacted in 1996 No Just no Oh and “All information regarding a patient’s visit is confidential If you come in then I’ll tell you all about it” facepalm This place needs not only better cops but better doctors But wait too small Even dumber even dumber than a civilian climbing in dumpsters after evidence scampering about chasing down suspects“Drive to Twin Pines to check out the bouncer” that would be the possible murderer and trying not to get herself shot instead of bringing every scrap of information she finds to her brother in law thecop “You’re scaring me Bill Do you really think it could be that dangerous?”“Of course it could Ron was murdered in cold blood and the killer won’t hesitate to take you out if he thinks you’re on to something”So why do you keep letting her continue Bill?? Even dumber than the idea that Hannah hits a jackpot on a slot machine and doesn’t notice wondering what all the noise is about “Hannah stared at the flashing numbers with absolute amazement” Even dumber than the description of a very swanky party attended by just about everyone in town – including Hannah’s barely legal bakery assistant very swanky party usually euals small and exclusive guest list Dumbest of all is“As Hannah opened her dress purse and stuck the card inside she wished that she’d had cards made”Seriously?Truly?Why would a writer make her main character this big an idiot?She’s owned a business for at least several months long enough to be well known locally and to be able to hire a full time assistant She has bought a truck and had it painted bright red with the business logo plastered all over it She has had shopping bags made with the store’s logo And she doesn’t have business cards? Even if every local for a twenty mile radius knows her and her store well why would she not want to have her phone number on a readily accessible card so that if one of these locals who already loves her cookies wants to I don’t know order something they don’t have to call directory assistance? And what about all those tourists flooding through town in the summer? How stupid do you have to be not to get business cards?Has she never seen all those VistaPrint ads that are everywhere? ETA based on Sam's comment below thanks no she hasn't because they don't exist yet as of the publication of this book But that was mostly sarcastic I mean getting business cards is just a no brainer for a new business owner I would thinkAll right obviously that's not really the very dumbest thing in the book There are so very many to choose from“Gave a fleeting thought to the difference between the fronts of the shops and the backs There were no decorative planters in the alley for shrubbery or flowers no plate glass windows for displays and signs”Captain Obvious is obviousHannah had done some mental arithmetic as she’d driven home taking into account the money she’d spent investigating Ron’s murder for Bill Even after she’d subtracted the cost of the makeup from Luanne the dress from Claire and the money they’d spent at Twin Pines she’d still come out over a thousand dollars to the good Basic addition and subtraction there But it sounds laborious for her – I pictured her counting on her fingers – which is why her later reminiscences about college struck me funny “she read the classics and knew who Wittgenstein and Sartre were” “In college the ability to do an algebraic euation in her head wasn’t considered a personality defect and no one thought less of her if she knew the atomic number of einsteinium” Really Hannah? Please tell me the atomic number of einsteinium I'll wait “Of course there had been a group of incredibly gorgeous bubbleheaded girls who’d turned male heads but most of them had either flunked out or left to get their MRS degrees” Well that’s not sexist at all A Mrs degree – get it? Get it???“I’m just going to run a currycomb through my hair” Norman chuckled at her reference to the tool that was used to groom horses Mother of God that’s some laborious humor Typical example“It sounds like such a uaint little shop I’ll have to make a point of dropping in soon” someone said Hannah bristled But it is a uaint little shop That in fact should be kind of what you're going for It’s not exactly Fortnum and Masons after allAs always Betty was dressed in vertical stripes Someone must have once told her that they were slenderizing and they might have been for someone less bulky Betty’s stripes were wide tonight and they were dark green and burgundy The colors were pretty but that didn’t stop Betty from resembling the side of a circus tentWow I think I hate this author She’d best weigh 98 pounds soaking wet to write crap like that And she's a little than 98 pounds In a book in which the main character makes a living off selling cookies and in which you're including recipes for your readers to bake you’re going to rag on the overweight? Really?Betty was what Hannah and her friends in high school had unkindly called “heavy duty” She weighed close to three hundred pounds and she wasn’t known for her grace on the dance floorlow growl“But I just can’t help feeling that something really bad is going to happen Remember Charlie Manson?” What? I just huh? Hannah noticed that the red light was glowing on the coffeemaker She reached out to shut it off and realized that the pot was dry just inky sludge that once had been coffee in the bottom “Max left the coffee on” For over two days? And the place didn’t burn down the carafe didn't even crack? Huh I'd like to know what brand of coffemaker that is A plate of these should be in every psychiatrist’s office — two Chocolate Covered Cherry Delights will lift anyone out of a depression Sexism mocking the obese and trivializing mental health issues – superbI’m surprised she didn’t suggest suttee”Delores laughed “You’re right dear But that’s illegal even in India” I’m surprised the author didn’t take a half a page to explain what suttee is Shocked actuallyLake Eden’s too small to have than one murderer How could we have two killers in a town the size of Lake Eden?” Oh that’s too funny First it’s also too small for a woman AND a full time assistant to make a living selling only cookies but I’ve said that already Second see the end of this rant“spooned in instant tea” What the hell is instant tea? You mean like powdered instant iced tea only hot? Oh ew Ew EwWait – I was wrong That business card thing wasn’t the dumbest part of the book; this by several miles is Spoiler alert if you care but I won't tell you too much Intrepid Girl Detective Hannah goes to see yet another suspect and isn't subtle about the reason for her visit Said suspect leaves the room and comes back with a shawl over her arm – and the point is made that this is a little odd since it’s rather warm in the room “Well she’s got a gun then” I said A few minutes later Hannah is shocked shocked I say when the suspect points a gun at herTrying to stall Hannah asks “When did you get the gun? Or did you have it with you when I walked in the door?”I would have shot her right then And with any half decent lawyer I’d walk – it was justifiable homicide Yer Honor The woman was too stupid to live To recap the suspect walked out of the room And came back with her hand hidden in an unexplained shawl Gosh I wonder if she had the gun hidden under the couch? Wait a hidden panel beside the fireplace Or in her undies That must be it All right that was stupid but this this is absolutely prize winning“In one of the detective shows she’d watched the main character had jammed his finger somewhere or other to keep the gun from firing”No miss I can do an algebraic euation in my head – you're thinking of that episode of Bugs Bunny Of several episodes of Bugs Bunny or maybe Yosemite Sam A cartoon can stick his finger into the barrel of a gun to keep himself from being shot I seem to remember Mythbusters covered it; I don’t recall exactly how that played out but I’m PRETTY sure it wouldn’t work for you know an actual non toon human ETA – See below E again TA See also Wait – I was wrong again None of that is the dumbest thing Remember how I mentioned this is the first book in the series? Odds are pretty damned good this was planned as a series from the beginning definitely a jump on the cozy mysteries with recipes bandwagon effort So this line as they say took the cake“Finding two dead bodies was than enough for one lifetime”The series is up to 17 booksLOLWait That's not funny it's sadEdited to depressedly add 24 books Twenty Four Books Words cannot express how appalled I am From the TLCMythBusters websiteFinding BUSTEDExplanation The MythBusters treaded sic into cartoon territory to work out whether Bugs Bunny could really make Elmer Fudd's shotgun backfire and explode by plugging his rabbity finger in the barrelTo ensure no one was harmed in the process Kari Byron Tory Belleci and Grant Imahara rigged up a remote controlled shotgun to test this animated ruse They also created a ballistic gel mold of Grant's hands and body that had a density comparable to human tissue to keep his digits intactWith the plastic finger blocking the bullet's path the gun fired and blew this myth to smithereens The fake finger didn't stand a chance against the shotgun shell and exploded — along with the entire dummy armOn the second round the MythBusters used a stiffer wax hand to plug the gun barrel but it couldn't beckon a backfire either If Bugs Bunny were real Elmer Fudd would've slain that wily rabbit a long time agoETA I was sorely disappointed that there was no mention of this in the recent pardon me while I weep uietly for a few minutes at the state of the world Hallmark Channel tv movie based on this book Oh the humanity I have of a sense of self preservation than to have watched the whole thing but I did see this scene It was bad but at least Hannah didn't try to be Bugs Bunny

reader ☆ Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder ☆ Joanne Fluke

Chocolate Chip Cookie MurderL the most punctual delivery man Hannah has ever had the pleasure of working with? This is one murder that's starting to leave a very bad taste in Hannah's mouth And if she doesn't watch her back her life could be about to burned to a crisp Find all of my reviews at StarsYou know how you know something isn’t good for you but you’re still all like Yeah That’s pretty much this book After all it is the story of the local cookie shop owner who gets recruited by her brother in law who just so happens to be Barney Fife a policeman to help solve the first murder Eden Lake has ever had I mean I haven’t experienced something this ridiculous since well actually just about a week and a half ago Anyway If you’re willing and able to leave reality 100% at the door Joanne Fluke might have the series for you These light and cozies are working out great for my commute so I have a feeling I’ll gobble up whatever else the library has to offer