Free Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling Screaming Threats Bribes Time outs Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work kindle ô eBook 9780470156032

Alyson Schafer ✓ Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling Screaming Threats Bribes Time outs Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work book

Free Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling Screaming Threats Bribes Time outs Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work kindle ô eBook 9780470156032 ✓ [PDF] ✅ Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling ScrHe same perceptive and actionable advice that made Breaking the Good Mom Myth an international bestsel I haven't read a lot of parenting books but the ones I've read were only meh until this book This is the first one where everything I have been experiencing with my daughter is what the author is talking about in the book And in a really concise to the point way The other books talk about understanding your child to showing the right kind of love I know all that I want to know how to handle these specific behaviors that are causing grief in my family The author does this in a great way A lot of it is common sense but it was put in to a way that I was thinking There were many things that I am looking forward to implementing and I will now need to go back and reread the specific parts I wasn't keen on the family meeting chapter but it may be something I will think about doing in the future

reader ✓ Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling Screaming Threats Bribes Time outs Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work ✓ Alyson Schafer

Ler TV host and psychotherapist Alyson Schafer again comes to the rescue of desperate parents everywhe In “Honey I Wrecked the Kids” Alyson Schafer argues for raising cooperative children rather than obedient ones by “shifting from a punishment and reward model of parenting to a democratic model that is brimming with respect” She explains that a child who doesn’t feel connected capable counted and courageous will feel discouragement “and misbehavior is always the result of feeling discouraged” In other words Schafer urges parents to see that misbehavior comes from an unmet need and to focus on meeting that need rather than dominating or manipulating children into compliance Schafer’s advice for how to encourage a discouraged child differs based on the situation She describes four separate “dances” attention power revenge and avoidance and describes how each stage is an escalation of the last eg a child seeking undue attention if not properly addressed will escalate into one with whom a parent struggles for powerSchafer offers up very specific tips and suggestions for implementing this touchy feely parenting approach The only problem is that her entire playbook depends upon a parent firing on all cylinders When I’m rested and have reviewed my notes I can make many of her suggestions work to great effect Unfortunately I often haven’t had time to sleep or reread her strategies When it comes to eliciting behavioral improvement a simpler approach like those in “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” and “Say What You See” affects greater change Schafer's writing though often trying uite hard to be accessible simply doesn't flow easily; though I noted something interesting on each page that made it worth reading the whole process felt a bit like a slogI nonetheless recommend reading “Honey I Wrecked the Kids” and keeping it on the shelf for two reasons 1 someday we will have the wherewithal to recall and calmly implement these excellent strategies and 2 random tricks will stick with you even if making the entire system work feels like a stretch at the moment eg I easily incorporated the “whenthen statement”Here are a few uotes that demonstrate Schafer’s style“The key message here is to be in an active caring respectful relationship with someone who gets you accepts you and revels in the marvel that is you”“A child seeking undue attention will seek out any behavior that gets their parents to stop what they’re doing and pay attention to them Some kids will do this by being silly; they will jump around in some crazy dance Some children decide to take on a persona as in ‘I am not Marcie I am a cat’ Perhaps your kids feign helpless in order to have you ‘care’ for them Other children will want you to feel worried so they will bang their heads or make themselves fearful Attention seeking kids will also discover ways to be a general nuisance and pest They might whine spill or blow bubbles in their milk They might complain of feeling sick in non specific ways or be dramatic when they get a small scratch They may try to impress you with feats at the park Perhaps they talk too uietly or too uickly yammering in a non stop streak so fast you can hardly catch what they are saying”“1 Do not give undue attention when your child is demanding it from you 2 Give your child attention in the form of real connection 3 Avoid the traps that parents typically fall into stonewalling random reinforcement and others”“The parenting tools you will learn are 1 The delicate art of ignoring 2 All action no talk 3 Distraction 4 Redirection 5 Natural conseuences 6 Logical conseuences 7 Training for independenceAnd the tools for the longer term solution 1 Be present and leave space for independent entertainment 2 Catch ‘em being good 3 Build the relationship connection in the deep and rich way the child seeks”“Of course there are a few situations when using natural conseuences is not advisable 1 When the conseuence is too severe 2 When the conseuence is too far in the future 3 When too many others are impacted ”“To ensure that a logical conseuence isn’t punitive the conseuence must meet two criteria It must be related to the behavior hence the name ‘logical’ and it must be revealed to the child in advance”“DROP THE ROPE MODEL FOR GETTING OUT OF POWER STRUGGLES D Determine you are in a power struggle R Re assess the situation objectively O Offer an olive branch P Plow on positively”“1 If you don’t have something nice to say say nothing at all 2 Ask instead of telling 3 Acknowledge that you can’t force and as for a favor instead 4 Describe what you see 5 Say it in a word 6 Lighten up ”“If you’re power struggling you’re holding on to choice options that your children are ready to make for themselves”“A whenthen statement both empowers the child and states the routine as boss”“LOGICAL CONSEUENCES are NOT a good tool for power struggles They always come off wrong It’s too easy to look powerful when enacting a logical conseuence and besides there are better tools”“When the child’s goal is revenge our parenting job is to help the hurting child heal You are only getting in the way of your own goal when you punish The difficulty is that they often behave in ways that make it harder to want to act in loving and kind ways toward them ”“Fighting is co created and co operative behavior”“FIVE WAYS TO RESPOND TO SIBLING CONFLICT AND PREVENT HURT 1 Ignore the Fighting 2 Put Them in the Same Boat 3 Put It on the Agenda 4 The Two Arm Techniue 5 ‘Bugs’ and ‘Wishes’”“The Two Arm Techniue Gently holding one child in each arm so they are facing each other Mom clearly centered and not siding with one or the other Mom can say ‘Dina do you need to speak up? Do you need to say something to your sister? She is a very good listener’ Mom has not only empowered Dina to speak but she has also let Carla know she is not in the bad books and so she has no reason to be defensive”“Embrace mistakes as opportunities to learn and you encourage growth and persistence that will lead to mastery”“For many of us who were raised on praise we think it’s the best thing to give to a child since we yearned for it ourselves We’re projecting and regurgitating the tapes in our head”“Encouragement emphasizes the process rather than the final product so that all ages all abilities and all ualities are valued Giving your best is what is important and honored ‘Being the best’ is not”“Phrases that Demonstrate Acceptance ‘I like the way you handled that’ ‘You did a great job tackling that problem’ ‘I’m glad you enjoy learning’ ‘I am glad you are pleased with it’ ‘Since you are not satisfied what do you think you can do so that you will be pleased with it?’ ‘It looks as if you enjoyed that’ ‘How do you feel about it?’“Phrases that Show Confidence ‘Knowing you I’m sure you’ll do fine’ ‘You’ll make it’ ‘I have confidence in your judgment’ ‘That’s a rough one but I am sure you’ll work it out’”“While people do not have to attend family meetings they do have to live by the decisions made by those who did participate”Family meeting agenda “1 Appreciationsencouragement 2 Follow up old business 3 New business 4 Planningschedulingsyncing calendars 5 Distribute allowances 6 Weekly chore sign up 7 Closingfun”

mobi Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling Screaming Threats Bribes Time outs Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't Work

Honey I Wrecked the Kids When Yelling Screaming Threats Bribes Time outs Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don't WorkMore life saving parenting advice from the bestselling author of Breaking the Good Mom Myth Bringing t Some good tips but difficult to execute If you have one child and infinite amounts of time it would be perfect But after a day and a half of trying to implement these techniues I'm exhausted I'm constantly trying to come up with choices and constantly trying to remember all the stupid phrases I'm supposed to use to protect my fragile snowflakes' egos It really works when you have the time and emotional energy but most of us don't Edit I wrote this in a fit of frustration in trying to make these techniues work Now that I've had some time to think about it I realize that the issue is bigger than trying to get kids to behave The problem is that with all these self help books marriage and family help books and even many spiritual help books they focus on trying harder The author in this books attempts to differentiate her parenting style from other styles as something new It isn't it is the same old thing that every parent everywhere is attempting over and over And where this book is successful is that it gives concrete examples and warnings of possible pitfalls And these do work when you are not overly tired or overly stressed It takes a lot of mental energy to accomplish what she lays outRemarkably as I was reading this everything she suggests is exactly what I had done for a long time I actually gave it up because I found myself frustrated Asking for things instead of telling negotiating for better solutions etc We want to parent like that we want our kids to feel a part of things That is why these books appeal They appeal to our sense of justice and rightnessBut it all comes back to trying harder If you just try harder at these simple techniues everything will be better oh and be consistent because it only works if you are consistent That right there is the snake oil salesman line Because consistency is impossible And sometimes I think these authors know it but it comes back to a whole culture that thrives on telling women to try harder Try harder to lose weight try harder to fix your marriage try harder to raise your kidsThe real problem isn't the weight the marriage or even the kids The real problem is us the mothers the wives the women We believe all this tripe and all the science that backs it up and tell ourselves to just try harder I don't know at all how to raise healthy kids I try and try and try some days I'm successful some days I'm a failure I don't know what the answer is but I think it starts with self care and self love and those aren't things you can try harder to attain They are things we need space to allow into our lives